Side tracking- IM's
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: Another IM's fic. This is between Ianto and his sister Rhi, before Jack makes an appearance. Full of whitty retorts! Dosent really have a purpose or storyline, but its basically Rihannon trying to get Ianto to take the kids for a day :) enjoy! JANTO! Please R&R, thank you.


**Jones-Rhi Jones **is_ online._

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky **is_online._

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Ianto, you know I love you? *bats eye lashes*

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **What do you want?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **How do you know I want something!?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Because no one starts a sentence with 'You know I love you?' without an ulterior motive…No 'Hi Ianto, how are you?'….

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **No one starts a sentence with 'because'…I learnt that from you.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Yeah…Well…I'm an exception to the rule because I made it up ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **That's not fair!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Life isn't fair…Anywayyyyy back to the subject.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **I wasn't aware there was one.

**Ianto-The-****Coffee-Junky: **You want me to have the kids don't you?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I know everything, remember.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **No, that was something you just told me when we were kids to scare me!

**Ianto-The-C****offee-Junky: **Yeah, that as well…mowhahaha!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You were an evil brother!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Well, it worked didn't it?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **No…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Yesssssss

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **So, can you have the kids?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Mmm, I'll think about it.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **That generally means no.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **No, it means, I'll think about it.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Oh, please Yan!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **What's in it for me?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You want a bribe! There was me thinking you were my brother and would do it out of the goodness of your heart… *cries*

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I have no 'goodness' left in my heart, you used that up YEARS ago…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You've changed…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I know, I know ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Do we ever have a serious conversation?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Nope! But whit runs in the family! It's in our nature!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **I don't wanna know what's in your nature, thank you.

**Ianto****-The-Coffee-Junky: **Exactly.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Just like Auntie Ayn, the way everything she said just dripped with sarcasm! I dunno how she done it…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Years and years of practice ;) You make her sound like a dog!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Well with what she said to mam every year about her presents it wouldn't surprise me!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I could never sit there and bitch about every single present I got!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **No, you'd do that later ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You know me too well ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **What are sisters's for!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **To taunt and tease until they explode?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **They'll be none of that thank you very much!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You're right, otherwise I'll be the one cleaning it up…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **It's nice to know how much I mean to you.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Welllllll it's between you and a clean house…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Sorry clean freak.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Apology accepted.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **On what grounds?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **That I'm sure you won't be exploding anytime soon, although the state of that coffee maker I got you, I feel you should be shot!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **I can't help that! None of our lot can figure out how to use it!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Jun****ky: **That's what instructions are for!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Well, they're wrong.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **They're not wrong! I checked.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Really? When have you been in a situation where the instruction were wrong?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Erm….

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Exactly!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Still check it though, just to be sure.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Why? You know how to work any coffee machine like the back of your hand!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **That's also true :)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You'll have to come round and show us how to work the bloody thing!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **DON'T CALL MY COFFEE MACHIENE NAMES! Its mean :(

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **It's an in-animate object Yan, I'm sure it can cope.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Still, it ain't the poor things fault if its top of the range ;) and too complicate for sisters to use!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **1. It's not a real thing! Stop giving it feelings! And 2. Stop being sexist!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Sorry couldn't help it…I have to resort to something when the slagging off of a coffee machine is involved.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Riiiiiiight!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Don't say that like I'm mental!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You are. Have been for years…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **So have you…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Yeah, but I'm aloud to be when you live amongst three kids! I'm the only sane one in the house!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Three kids? Don't you mean two! You're right…you have gone mad, imagining kids now…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Nah, the third is Johnny!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Oh, well that's something I agree with!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Thought I'd have you support on that one ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Hehe! ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Soooooooo….can you have the kids? Pretty please?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **There's nothing pretty about it! Do you know what state my flat will be in by the end of it!?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Erm…like a bombs hit it?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **YES! And I don't have time to clean it up…I have work.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Ahhh, itll give you something to do!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **What day as you thinking about?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Is that a yes?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **No, it's a curious brother asking what day he might have to call in sick, well, not literally call in (and get away with it because he knows the boss very well) and cover his house in cling film so that It remains in pristine condition…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You love cling film WAYYYY too much…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **What can I say, it amuses me ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **I know that! You used to nick mams when we were little and cover everything in it…including me might I add…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I was young and didn't know you couldn't breathe!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You did! You recited the whole medical dictionary by the age of 6!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junk****y: **That is also true :)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You were a weird, weird child…

**anto-The-Coffee-Junky: **If intelligence is weird, then baking is the devil work!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **WHAAAAT! You know I LOVE baking!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I can tell…

**Jones-Rhi ****Jones: **What's that supposed to mean!?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Nothing! I'm only messing with you…promise :)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **You betta be !

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Trust you to make that dirty…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Jun****ky: **Don't tell me you weren't thinking it…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Okay, I was…but that's beside the point.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I know, you meant it in the 'Cleanliness freak' way…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **See, same wave length!

**TheCaptain: **JUST AGREE TO HAVING THE KIDS FOR GOD SAKE!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Alright Jack?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Seems like your 'power of surprise' has worn off…

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **He's hacked too many of our private conversations for me not to expect it now…HAHA!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Nice use of government money, eh Jack? *Coughs* Misuse of funding, paragraph 18 section C, sub-section 9…

**TheCaptain: ** It isn't the governments money, its Torchwood's, Torchwood is me, so therefore it is my money and I cannot misuse it because it's mine to do as I please ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **It astounds me how geeky you are Yan B)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I'm not geeky! I just like to know stuff, more than the boss anyway ;) and Jack, I'll think you'll find it is the government's money because they give it to Torchwood.

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **What's this 'Torchwood' then? Some sort of cult? I don't want my Ianto getting mixed up in all that crap…

**TheCaptain: ** Welllllllllll once the money is transferred in the Torchwood account it's rightfully mine anyway, sooooooo….

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Don't worry about it Rhi, its need to know. I'ts not a cult, I can tell you that much! Haha! Where did you get that idea from? And Jack…still the governments money.

**TheCaptain: ** You weren't complaining about it being 'the governments money' when I brought you that nice new designer suit, just sayin'

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Yes, but that doesn't count because I was under the impression you brought it with your own money and not turned into a cheap scate.

**TheCaptain: ** Oh, so you want me to take it back do ya?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **NO! No, I mean, its brought now…sides they won't take it back because its worn…soooooooo, guess you cant.

**TheCaptain: ** You haven't worn it you liar!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I have…

**TheCaptain: ** When was this!? And why wasn't I there!?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Well I felt bad that you'd spent so much on it so I had to try it on and see if it suited me so that I would wear it, otherwise it woulda been a waste of your money ;)

**TheCaptain: ** Ianto, always so considerate. Speaking of…your sisters awfully quiet.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Rhi?

**TheCaptain: ** It says she's still online….

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I'll see what she's doing, she was talking about Torchwood before she decided to drop out of the conversation.

**TheCaptain: ** Misusing the governments technology are we?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Do you want her to start digging into Torchwood goings on? No? Didn't think so…

**TheCaptain: ** You didn't even give me time to answer!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You'll live ;)

**TheCaptain: ** So what's ya sis up to?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Searching Torchwood in Google…Nothing will come up though, I've deleted all existence of the name being mentioned in websites, web pages, articles, blogs, ect.

**TheCaptain: ** That was quick!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Tosh showed me a trick or two ;)

**TheCaptain: ** But that doesn't stop people talking, if she asks about Torchwood to anyone they usually point to the bay.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Well what do you suggest? Retcon? Cos that'll be A LOT of people and we have a limited supply, until we get round to making some more.

**TheCaptain: ** Mmm, true, better delete this part of the conversation before she comes back :)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Done :)

**TheCaptain: ** We betta start talking about something or she'll wonder what we've been doing since her browsing session. What do you suggest?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **The kids?

**TheCaptain: ** What kids? I wasn't aware you wanted any…if you hadn't noticed, I'm a man and so are you? Then there's always adoption, but I doubt we'd have the time to look after it…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **NOT OURS YOU TWAT! My sisters!

**TheCaptain: ** Oh yeah!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **I swear you lack common sense sometimes.

**TheCaptain: ** But I make up for it in other areas ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Soooooo, are you okay with me having the kids?

**TheCaptain: ** Why would that bother me?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Well I'd have to have a day off work, and then there's the fact that there's two of them and one of me!

**TheCaptain: ** No.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Oh come on Jack! It'll just be for a coupla hours and kids love you!

**TheCaptain: ** Kids are out to get me I swear! All they do is pull on my coat and whine, id rather not thank you.

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Jacccccckkkkk!

**TheCaptain: ** Iantooooooooo!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Please?

**TheCaptain: ** What's in it for me? ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **The thought that you helped me out of a tight spot?

**TheCaptain: ** HAHA! I'm always helping you in and out of tight spots ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You know what I mean….please Jack, you'll get to spend all day with me ;)

**TheCaptain: ** And the kids!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You won't even know they're there!

**TheCaptain: ** Pull the other one!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Okay, they're presence will be pretty obvious but it'll be fun, we'll get to do something normal for a change :)

**TheCaptain: ** How can you call screaming, whinning, annoying children 'fun'…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **You'l love em Jack! Micha is a sweetheart and David….well stick him in front of the telly or a games station and he's quiet.

**TheCaptain: ** Maybe…

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Pweeeeeeeese *puppy dog eyes*

**TheCaptain: ** Oh, alright then! But you betta make it up to me!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Don't I always?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Oh so you've finally decided to have the kids then!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **And where the bloody hell have you been?

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Nice to know I've been missed :)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Where did you go? You were gone AGES!

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **My internet dropped out…again! I need to get a decent connection for once, cost a bomb though :/

**TheCaptain: ** Mmm

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **What are you 'mmm'ing about Harkness, you don't even know how much internet costs! I do all the accounts!

**TheCaptain: ** Yes, but I watch you whilst you do the accounts ;)

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Anyway, ill love you and leave you both…glad you could have the kids, ill text you when im bringing em round, give you some notice so that you're decent when I get to the door ;)

**TheCaptain: ** Thanks for that, we'll need it ;)

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Erm, no we won't….

**TheCaptain: ** WHAT!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **They'll be none of that with my niece and nephew coming round!

**TheCaptain: ** That's not fair :(

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **I'm with Yan on this one :)

**TheCaptain: ** Ive only just noticed your name is like James Bond! HAHA!

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Easily amused that one…

**TheCaptain: ** What's that supposed to mean?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Nothing….

**Jones-Rhi Jones: **Anyway, gotta go! Bye Yan and future brother-in-law!

**Jones-Rhi Jones **is _offline._

**TheCaptain: ** 'Future brother-in-law' ? What?

**Ianto-The-Coffee-Junky: **Don't look at me, I got no clue.


End file.
